DEAR JOURNAL: My Coming Out Story

Coming out to the world is never an easy thing to do for anyone. For myself, gaining confidence in this skin was one of the hardest obstacles to overcome so far. Just like any other homosexual, I knew I was different at very early age. I didn’t know exactly what these feelings were and why I had them but as I get older I grow more comfortable with who I am. Just a reminder, being gay is not a choice, you wouldn’t know unless you are gay yourself. I never really pictured the day in my head how my coming out experience would ever be. Long story short is that I was head over heels for this beautiful guy. He lived in Baltimore and since that’s literally across the country. I will completely fill you in about him later.

Anyway, for my birthday he planned to come spend time and celebrate with me. I thought it was really sweet and loved the entire idea so I was super willing to compromise to do whatever it took to make thing work. Only thing was that since it was kind of planned at last minute, he couldn’t book a hotel so instead head boarded with me. I turning 19, still lived with my parents at the time which wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was that he was flying in on the same day my parents planned a really big move. Since he was coming to stay with me I had to tell my parents the truth since I am always super honesty with my mom. I had planned on telling them before he showed up all of a sudden and create an awkward situation. Though the truth was finally about to set me free, the night before someone else had their own feelings about my life. My oldest brother who I’ve looked up to my entire life was upset with the fact and insisted that it was a bad choice I made. Me told me ” Mom didn’t raise us to be like what you are doing!” and that he loved me but just couldn’t agree with my choice. What came next was that the next time he saw me he was going to fight me. I was thrown at the fact that this was coming from him. I was confused and even thought maybe since all my other siblings already knew about me, he was just upset that I didn’t tell him. So initially I felt hurt and in disbelief that he would ever be against me.

The next morning was the day of the move and my boyfriend (if that’s what I should call him) was coming to town. After the night I had, I really didn’t get to talk to anyone about it so I was dying to get it off my chest. The funny thing was that I could tell my parents without telling them I was gay. So I thought hey I planned on telling them anyway with my man coming too. Now was the time to kill two birds with one stone and completely lay everything out for my parents to understand the things that they just never understood about me. Here goes nothing I said silently, and approached them while they were both in the living room area. The reaction was not something I ever envisioned. Both of them just responded with a “We still love you son.” I wasn’t too convinced that my dad was 200% OK with my true self. As the day went by it did start off very awkward, but changed as time passed. When my side d&#@ arrived everyone was very accepting of him. After this day things didn’t really change as far as relationships go. Oh except for my crazy brother or my dad who fronts in my face to be cool with me but talks about me with my crazy brother. I guess you can say I have forgiven them but I will never forget and trust them ever again.

Now looking back at my whole coming out experience, I would say I got way luckier than a lot of people like me. So I am happy that my situation didn’t implode like I imagined it to. Coming out is one of the hardest things to do because you are mostly scared of rejection. Thankfully, rather than rejection, I was embraced, who would have thought.

 

 

 

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